Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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