For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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