but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
