So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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