If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
