i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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