Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
