They should really pass out barf bags in church
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is her dick bigger than yours?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
