ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
