sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
