I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
