Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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