yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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