so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
