I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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