My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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