im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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