You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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