God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
