i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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