I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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