he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
