They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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