I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
