And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i think i just lost a toe
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
