Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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