so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
