You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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