I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
