"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
