ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
