so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
