when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
