My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
