Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
