Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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