Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
