just tell him i said nine months
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your cock deserves a montage
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
