we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
