ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
