My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
