i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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