Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
