Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
