Me too!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
