I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
