I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
