he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
