if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
