The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
