Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
