Im at strip club and am horny
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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