i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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