Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
