Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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